The ONE Connection Question That Changes Everything!
Aug 30, 2024The Science of Connection
Connection isn't just a buzzword; it's deeply rooted in science. Research from prominent neuroscientists like Matt Lieberman and Naomi Eisenberger shows that our brains treat social pain and physical pain the same way. This means that when we feel disconnected, our brains perceive it as a threat, just as they would a physical danger. Understanding this has profound implications for how we approach leadership, team dynamics, and personal interactions.
Over the years, We've seen that any discussion about leadership or culture inevitably ties back to connection. The strength of our connections determines our success in achieving goals, navigating challenges, and fostering a positive workplace culture. Yet, despite its importance, many of us struggle to recognize when a true connection happens or how to intentionally create it.
Building Connection Through Questions
One practice that has significantly impacted our understanding of connection is a simple, weekly question. "What went well?" The rules are straightforward—no one can offer advice, feedback, or suggestions. You just listen. This practice is more than a casual chat; it's a conscious effort to build and maintain our connection.
The question "What went well?" may seem simple, but it’s powerful. It forces us to reflect on the positives, which is crucial because our brains naturally have a negativity bias. We're wired to focus on threats and potential dangers, often at the expense of recognizing our achievements and strengths. By regularly discussing what went well, we start to rewire our brains to notice and prioritize positive experiences. This not only changes our mindset but also our behavior and actions over time.
Overcoming the Challenges of Connection
Asking someone what went well can be a psychologically risky question. It requires vulnerability, as sharing something positive about ourselves opens us up to the possibility of rejection or criticism. This is why it’s crucial to create a safe environment where people feel comfortable sharing. One way to do this is by adjusting the question to make it less intimidating. For example, instead of asking "What went well?" you could start with "What was one good thing that happened this week?" or even "What was the least crappy thing that happened?"
These variations lower the stakes and help people ease into the conversation. The goal is to gradually build comfort and trust so that sharing positive experiences becomes a natural part of the dialogue.
Leveraging Connection for Team Success
In a workplace setting, the benefits of fostering connection are immense. For example, in team meetings, we encourage leaders to incorporate a practice called the "Value Exchange." Each week, team members identify two things they did that added value to the team and two things they observed others doing that added value. Over time, this practice not only strengthens connections but also creates a record of contributions that can be reviewed and celebrated.
By regularly acknowledging both individual and team efforts, leaders can help employees feel seen and appreciated, which is critical for maintaining engagement and motivation. This approach also helps individuals understand their own value and how it contributes to the team's success, which is often a missing piece in many organizations.
The Impact of Connection on Workplace Culture
Ultimately, the connection is about more than just achieving goals—it's about creating an environment where people feel valued, supported, and motivated to do their best work. When leaders prioritize connection, they not only improve individual performance but also enhance the overall culture of the organization. This leads to increased clarity, motivation, and engagement, which are essential for long-term success.
The science of connection shows us that it's not just a nice-to-have—it's a biological need. When employees feel connected and appreciated, they're more likely to stay engaged and committed to the organization. On the other hand, when connection is lacking, people start to feel isolated, underutilized, and ultimately disengaged.
Creating a Culture of Connection
For leaders looking to create a thriving workplace culture, the first step is recognizing the power of connection. By intentionally building connections through regular conversations, acknowledgment of effort, and understanding the individual definitions of success, leaders can transform their teams and organizations. It’s about moving beyond the surface-level interactions and fostering deep, meaningful connections that drive both personal and professional growth.
Connection isn’t just something that happens; it’s something we create. And when we do it well, the results speak for themselves—a workplace where everyone feels valued, engaged, and motivated to achieve their best.
