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Have you ever felt unheard? That sinking feeling when the person you're talking to seems completely disengaged, as if your words don't matter? We've all been there, and it can be incredibly disheartening. As leaders, it’s our responsibility to ensure that our team members never feel this way. But how do we truly listen and make sure our people feel heard? 

The Challenge of Listening Well

I once received feedback from a colleague that changed the way I approached leadership. During a discussion, this colleague told me, "You don't listen very well." It stung, but because I trusted this person, I took it to heart. This feedback made me realize that I needed to improve my listening skills. I had always seen myself as a visionary leader, someone with big ideas that others should follow. But I was missing a crucial element—I wasn't a conversational leader. I wasn’t inviting people into the dialogue, asking them for their input or insights. This experience made me understand that listening is about more than just hearing words; it’s about truly understanding and valuing the person speaking.

Overcoming the Barriers to Listening Well

So, what stops us from being the best listeners we can be? There are three main barriers:

1. Being Present

The first barrier to effective listening is simply being present. In today’s world, with our phones and endless distractions, it’s easy to be physically present but mentally absent. We all struggle with this—whether it’s checking our phones during a conversation or letting our minds wander. However, our attention is our greatest asset, and when we’re truly present, we give the most valuable gift we can to others: our full attention.

Being present requires intentionality. It means setting ground rules for yourself and your team to minimize distractions during meetings and one-on-one conversations. For example, consider implementing a “closed laptop” rule during staff meetings to encourage focus and connection. It’s also about being mindful in casual interactions, like when you’re chatting with someone in the hallway or at their desk. In these moments, make an effort to really focus on the person in front of you.

The true test of whether you were present isn’t how you feel but how the other person feels. Did they feel seen and heard? They are the barometer of your presence.

2. Being Curious

The second barrier is a lack of curiosity. As leaders, we often fall into the trap of thinking we already know what our team members are going to say or what they need. But true listening involves being curious about what the other person is trying to communicate, even if their words aren’t clear.

For example, I once watched a ballet teacher interact with a group of three-year-olds. They were all excitedly talking at once, and it was hard to understand what they were saying. But instead of dismissing their words, the teacher focused on understanding the meaning behind them. This taught me that, as leaders, we must go beyond surface-level listening and seek to understand the true intentions and emotions behind our team members’ words.

When we approach conversations with curiosity, we allow ourselves to be surprised by what we might learn. This can be especially important in high-stakes situations, where emotions are running high. Instead of just addressing the emotions, we need to dig deeper and understand the message behind them.

3. Being Patient and Quiet

The third barrier is our instinct to respond immediately. Whether out of defensiveness or eagerness to offer a solution, we often stop listening as soon as we start formulating our response. This is a common pitfall, but it’s one that we can overcome with practice.

Being patient and quiet means resisting the urge to jump in with a response and instead asking questions that encourage the other person to share more. It’s about creating space in the conversation for the other person to fully express themselves, which often leads to greater insights and understanding.

The Path Forward

Listening well as a leader isn’t always easy, but it’s something we can all improve on. Take a moment to reflect on a time when you really listened well. What did you do that made it successful? How can you replicate that in future conversations?

Remember, you already have the tools you need to listen well—you just need to apply them. And often, your team members have the solutions to their own challenges; they just need you to listen and help them articulate those solutions.

So, as you go through your week, challenge yourself to overcome these three barriers: be present, be curious, and be patient and quiet. It won’t always be perfect, but with effort and intention, you can become the kind of leader who truly hears and understands your team.